Nothing Like You

The one percent. The cream of the crop. The elite. I wish to be nothing like you. It must be very difficult, being so upset at everyone around you all the time. You must be severely frustrated to never feel satisfied - no matter how much money you have or how many things you buy. I can't believe you aren't tired, with your mouth running all day like that. What a shame and a waste of human beings.

I long to be like the truck driver, who busts his ass working the graveyard shift, and whose daughter thinks he is so cool that she wants to go to work with him any chance she gets.

I hope to be like the working mother, who doesn't take guff from anyone and who protects her family from evil while also teaching them to look for the good in everyone.

How I wish to grow into the grandmother, whose kindness and compassion radiates so strong that no amount of malice or rottenness can pierce its shield.

I am thankful to the Santa Barbara service industry, for teaching me a fine lesson in how NOT to act if I ever have any money. Working for them will ensure this never happens, so I think I'm safe...for now.

Final project proposal

Having so much experience with journaling these past few months has helped me realize just how important personal journals are as writing artifacts. I definitely plan to continue practicing journaling, but sometimes I find the hardest part is just sitting down to write in the first place. I believe I’ve come up with a fun and different way to get my creative juices flowing - by creating a “journal jar” filled with random thoughts and ideas to start as a jumping off point for future journals. 

I suppose it would be correct to say I'm trying to recycle my journals. There have to be thoughts in there that I can dig a little deeper into.I plan to analyze my past journal entries and utilize ideas that I could expand upon more in future journals. I also have a ton of questions that I’ve asked throughout my past journal entries, questions which I’ve never found answers to, which could also be used as ideas for future journals. Silly random thoughts and words will also be collected in the jar - maybe the rest of the class would like to contribute as well! That would be pretty cool.

I also want to incorporate my past journal entries into the design of my jar. Hopefully I can use a sharpie or something to write the first and last lines of each journal entry to make one long poem that I can write around the outside of the jar. Plus the additions of other little crafty things to make it more personal.

Maybe you guys can help me out!

I would love to have some of your ideas to use for future journal entries!

Goldberg

SO happy to have been introduced to this book. Ms. Goldberg has some really great insights on how to get over your insecurities and apprehensions about writing. I feel, personally, as a writer I find myself being too concerned about what other people think. Will anybody else agree with me? Do I sound intelligent collected? Is my idea/story important? When we were studying last week about ethnography, I couldn’t help but wonder if people were truly able to be themselves when they knew someone else was observing them. I think this paradigm can carry over to the writing world as well - when writers are writing for an audience, sometimes they can’t always be themselves and say what they want or need to say. 

What I like about Goldberg is her attitude about truth in writing. I really enjoyed her chapter on The Power of Detail when she notes, “Our details are important. Otherwise, if they are not, we can drop a bomb and it doesn’t matter…We have lived; our moments are important. This is what it is to be a writer: to be the to be the carrier of details that make up history” (Pp. 47-48). I can’t even count how many times I’ve started writing something and quit because I didn’t think my story was worth the time. But it is worth it. Writing down my history, my thoughts, my feelings is vital because it’s been my life. No matter how silly, strange, awful, or sad the information, it’s all been part of what made me. Years down the road, maybe I will have forgotten who I used to be, and how I used to think and live. These pieces of writing will be what I have to remember myself, and to keep in touch with my young spirit. Even if no one else ever reads my work, or thinks it’s interesting or important, it will be a great privilege for me to look back on. 

Blue Lipstick and a Cigarette Hanging Out Your Mouth made me laugh a little. I was just picturing myself in overalls with curlers in my hair, walking across the street to French Press. I sort of understand where Goldberg is coming from - trying to force yourself to write from different perspectives. But I think some of these shenanigans are a tad extreme and would make me feel more self-conscious than open-minded. What I can agree with though is when she writes “Sometimes there is just no way around it - we are boring and we are sick of ourselves, our voice, and the usual material we write about” (p. 151). I can totally dig the idea of playing dress-up though, as I enjoy (on occasion) wearing big hats and dresses that look like they’ve been jacked from June Cleaver’s closet. Doing dumb things like that can really put you in a different frame of mind sometimes, just like being in different places. I like writing when I venture off to new places alone. On my way driving home to The Bay or visiting friends in LA I often stop and sit somewhere quiet to think, sometimes write, and mostly be peaceful. 

Loneliness is for sure a huge part of writing. Goldberg tells us “Art is communication. Taste the bitterness of isolation, and from that place feel a kinship and compassion for all people who have been alone” (p. 150). Being isolated and having time to reflect on your life alone is always beneficial to writing. In life we constantly have to be surrounded by others, get things approved, follow directions, and listen to what other people say. Being alone can give you the chance to say f*uck those people and their opinions and policies. Writing about your feelings can make them more concrete, and ultimately make you more steadfast in those feelings. We all have something important to say through our writing, and we are all alone in it together.

THE LAST HAPPINESS (hopefully...)

As children in American society, we often heard “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”. I’ve never been a huge fan of this practice, because sometimes people need to hear what you have to say - even truthful comments that might sting a little. I like to call it constructive criticism, and I have some things to say to this Gretchen woman. If I could talk to her in person, I would tell her to actually do something nice for someone else. It seems like all these random things she’s doing in her quest for “happiness” involves some superficial exercise that will only benefit her immediate self. Furthermore, I think it’s just a little sick that, of all things, she decides to read up on other people’s sad and twisted misfortunes in order to make her feel more grateful for her privileged life. I want to ask her if she has truly ever experienced anything tragic or life changing, but judging by her constant bitching about how shallow her life has been so far, I’m guessing not. If the worst thing that has happened to her is that her sister got diabetes, I think she’s had it pretty easy. She should be more concerned about protecting her sister’s privacy than glorifying her sickness in order to sell books. I think, in lieu of paying for expensive yoga lessons, painting classes, and vacations, maybe she should donate some of her time to someone in need. Spend some time being a companion for a lonely elderly person, or teach underprivileged children how to paint or write poetry. It’s so simple, and yet she continues to complain about her pathetic life. I hope dearly this is the last chapter we have to read of this nonsensical, putrid book.
As for dear Mr. Paulson and The Last Lecture, I feel much more inspired and satisfied after reading this again. I remember my mom giving me this book when I was just a kid, I think sometime back in high school. I was so fond of this book, not only because it was an easy and fast read, but because I could relate so much to it. Reading his chapter on writing thank-you notes hit home, especially after the exercise we did today in class. My gramma and mom have always expressed to me how important it is to write to people - real, uneven, messy, handwritten letters. We get so used to seeing things in documents and online - perfect lines, even columns, etc. There’s just something so much more authentic about getting/giving handwritten cards. Especially when you know someone went out of their way to buy cards and stamps - it usually means a lot more than a text message.
I also just want to say this is my favorite class this semester - I love having class with all of you cool peeps and I always have fun in our sessions. Thanks for making me smile :)
Cheers,
Marissa K.

Enjoy this picture of my dog, Lila.

Ethnography and things...

What an intriguing concept - the act of studying people. Only speaking from personal experience, people act differently than they normally would when they know someone is watching. We are so comfortable in our own world - until we know someone is keeping tabs on us, then out comes the "preferable behavior" clown. I only use the term clown to signify how silly it is to feel we must adapt our true selves to "fit" better in certain arenas of life. This is why I think ethnography is just the tiniest bit of bullsh*t.
Although it's a grand idea, and I admit I fully agree with Kahn when he notes "People learn more from direct experience than from second-hand experience," I have a hard time imagining people truly acting like themselves when they know another person is observing them. Kawulich touches on this topic briefly in her LONG article, when she discusses different stances an observer can take in such cases. In my opinion, being a complete participant in observational research seems like the only sure-fire way to obtain honest results. The only problem with this method is, the observer has to be somewhat of a sneaky liar (on top of needing decent acting skills).
Both articles did touch on reciprocity as an important factor in ethnographic studies. In order to engage with most people (especially with those from different cultures than your own), usually some sort of cooperation is necessary. If I walked up to a person on the street, smiled, and extended my hand, I would expect that action to be reciprocated. If they just gave me a strange look, or walked away, I wouldn't feel comfortable trying this a second time. This applies on a larger scale as well. If a neighbor invited you to a dinner party, and you show up with a nice bottle of wine and a dessert, you might expect that person to do the same when invited to your home for dinner. If they didn't make this gesture, you might not invite them back again for dinner. Out of all the jargon and mumbo-jumbo I think the idea of reciprocity is what I mostly took away from the readings.

Until Wednesday fellow classmates...

Week four...

I've been thoroughly enjoying reading Writing Down the Bones - not only for the great advice on writing, but because it truly reflects what we're learning in class. What resonated with me was the section on writing seen as a McD's hamburger - or, rather, what writing shouldn't be. This is something I've struggled with as a writer-in-training. Almost every time I sit down to write anything, it has to have a purpose, a goal, an ending in sight. This makes my writing less meaningful because it's strategic from the jump. I like how Goldberg refers to writing how it should be - "Let go of everything when you write, and try at a simple beginning with simple words to express what you have inside. It won't begin smoothly. Allow yourself to be awkward. You are stripping yourself. You are exposing your life, not how your ego would like to see you represented, but how you are as a human being. And it is because of this that I think writing is religious." (pp. 39-40)
What's upsetting about learning this so late in my life is - how much better could I have been if I were taught to write like this at a young age? So many people see writing as a chore instead of as a means to release. I don't know how many times people have paid me to write papers for them, because the task is so daunting they would literally rather break the bank in order to keep from having to write a paper. I can't help but wonder - if we were taught to look at writing as something that helps us better understand ourselves and our ways of thinking, could we enjoy it more and, ultimately, be better writers? This also ties in with the section about writers living twice. We learn to appreciate small things more than the average bear because we look at the world through a writer's eyes. Just like painters view the world as artists. We all have our human-monkey brain, which helps us think quickly, solve problems, and deal with sensory overloads. Having said that, I think writers have access to a more critical brain which helps us appreciate the power of questioning, wondering, theorizing. This is what I adore about truly great writers - their ability to take something insignificant and turn it into a story, into something worthwhile. Inanimate objects are a lot more interesting when someone attaches meaning to it through writing.

The other assigned readings for this week were so dense, I couldn't concentrate long enough to have anything meaningful to say about them. I do look forward to reading all of your responses. Have a good night everyone :)

Marilyn, Frida, & Kurt.

          Marilyn Monroe has always been a fascinating character to me for some reason I can’t fully understand. Unsure if notes on a piece of unlined hotel stationary would pass as a journal, I did a little more research and happened upon actual diary entries allegedly written by Monroe. I’ve always been rather interested in her life, especially the parts that were hidden away from the public. I wish I could compare her normal diary entries with others she wrote when she was supposedly mentally ill. 

“I guess I have always been

deeply terrified at to really be someone’s

wife

since I know from life

one cannot love another,

ever, really” - Marilyn Monroe

Her writing, though sad as hell, is poetic and hauntingly romantic. I can feel her sadness and pain when I read her frantic handwriting on a piece of stationary from a London Hotel. Although I would never wish for myself to be in such a state of mind, I can see how heartbreakingly beautiful writing can transpire from life’s genuine drama. Who knows - today’s misery could be tomorrow’s profound book of poems. Looking at it from this perspective, I think a person’s sense of reality can be a convention. Aside from fiction, writing is usually always based on reality. But, what could be reality to some people, may not be viewed the same way by others. What’s great about our personal thoughts and feelings is, there are no rules. We can think what we want, and sometimes say what we want, but rarely do we make our deepest, darkest thoughts concrete. In this way, each of our realities can be our own, personal convention - as abstract as that sounds. 

  Frida Kahlo’s journal was the most enjoyable to look at. Her colorful draw-painting mixed in with her thick, black, cursive handwriting is much more pleasing to the eye than just grey pencil on lined paper. I never would have thought to add color or doodles to my journal, but after experiencing Kahlo’s private work, I realize some color could be refreshing. Right now my journal looks more like notes I take on readings for class, and less like a reflection of myself. Although drawings and paintings aren’t necessarily conventions for writing, I think they can make excellent journaling conventions. Sometimes a drawing, a little color, or lack there of can express a mood or feeling more than words can. My roommate, who speaks fluent Spanish, even had a tough time translating Kahlo’s writing into English. What this particular journal entry/poem/metaphor explores is death (of an animal?), and Kahlo’s desire to watch the living and death on Earth. I wish I could read Spanish, it would probably make a lot more sense to me, but I am fascinated by the artwork that accompanies her words. Although I’m not an artist, I can see how beneficial it is to put more than just words on paper. For example, my roommate got a polaroid camera - and the pictures we’ve been taking on it would be a perfect convention for me to add to my journal.

  Reading a page from Kurt Cobain’s journal was a oddly more depressing to me than I thought it might be - maybe because I know how his life ended. What I didn’t expect from him was the particular style of journaling. I like to think of his style as bubbly - not the content, of course - but the layout. He seems to write his ideas in a thought-bubble sort of way. There are some smaller thought-bubbles and some larger thought-bubbles. Some thought-bubbles are crossed out. One of the thought bubbles is just a little black stick-figure drawing. Cobain’s journal is filled with lined paper, but he seems to ignore the lines, which is reflective of what I know about him through his music. This particular style of writing might not suit me, only because I get too easily bothered by unorganized thoughts. On the other hand, maybe it would do me some good to adopt a new layout style. I think choosing to write on lined or unlined paper is a convention in itself. Unless you’re one of those strange people who can write in perfectly straight lines without any guidance, for someone like me who likes to be inside the lines, writing unlined paper is just asking for trouble. Although extremely poetic, his journal is simultaneously reflective of political and societal issues prominent during that time. This convention I happen to like, and will definitely try for myself. When I’m older, even though journaling about current world events won’t make much difference for others, it will be nice to see my thoughts and opinions about what was going on in the world at certain points. Years from now, my thoughts and opinions could change drastically from how they are now - and it would be interesting to reflect back on that and try to map my journey of thoughts. 

“Nihilism 

is a fine 

building block 

to construct 

a foundation 

of ideals

but don’t 

let the 

termites 

come 

in.” - Kurt Cobain

         Reading journal entries written by other well-known people has been more interesting to me than writing my own journal entries - although I’m keeping on top of my writing even though I bore myself to death. I feel a little discouraged, maybe I don’t have a poetic bone in my body. Maybe I’m writing at the wrong time or day. Maybe I’m writing in the wrong state of mind. I suppose what I’ll remember to do from now on is just write whenever I think of anything remotely creative. Sometimes when I’m driving, or when I’m at work is when I come up with interesting thoughts. Writing things down all the time will help foster new and different writing practices.

Week two readings

I decided I'm still undecided about The Happiness Project. Although the author makes valid points, she strikes me as a bit shallow and just a tad stuck up. I will admit, this chapter on mindfulness resonated with me because I felt like I could truly relate to the author's feelings of being on auto-pilot. What's even more strange, is the reading ties in with material I'm learning in literally all my other classes. In my intercultural communications class this week, we discussed the disadvantages of colorblindness in modern American society. Although some people think that "not seeing color" is beneficial in interracial/intercultural relations, it can actually exacerbate racial biases because we ignore what's real. On the other hand, being mindful helps us to realize how we feel about certain things, and can lead to the correction of one's behavior. Just like people with addiction problems, we can only fix what we admit is wrong in our lives. In regards to mindfulness, I appreciated when the author noted "Scientists point out that it calms the mind and elevates brain function, it gives clarity and vividness to present experience, it may help people break unhealthy habits, and it can soothe troubled spirits and lift people's moods." I only wished she discussed more about mindfulness that could benefit her community, rather than just a self-mindfulness approach. 

Before I bash Gretchen a little more, I just wanted to note that I enjoyed her thoughts on heuristics - or mental rules of thumb. I agree with her thoughts on personal experiences - or vivid memories of them - can sometimes skew our perception of what's really valuable to us. When she used the example of her friend who wouldn't eat raw cookie dough, but never wore a seatbelt, I was overwhelmed by thoughts of all the silly things I do and don't do, that I think will make me feel comfortable. I feel like this ties in with people who have problems with OCD. I HATE when my food touches on my plate, but I live by the 5-second-rule. Kina dumb isn't it? 

In summary, I thought the author made some really good points about mindfulness, the only things that really annoyed me was her crappy way of writing about it. I pretty much just thought "Wow it's really nice you have all this fucking money and time to go on a ridiculous shenanigan rampage - but some of us can't buy mindfulness and self-actualiation."

I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on this. 

Have a good one, fellow classmates.

A brief introduction...

Hello all who may stumble across this strange collection of thoughts.
My name is Marissa.

I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, but I've moved around a bit the last few years, ending up in Santa Barbara again because I had the opportunity to come to Antioch. After sitting in on an intercultural comm class last year, I realized that learning through socratic and dyadic methods would be way more beneficial for me than sitting in a lecture hall with eighty other people viewing slide show presentations. Before moving down here, I lived a rich and fulfilling life where I got to spend a lot of time with family, manage a day spa, and practice the martial art of tae kwon do. Although I miss the lifestyle I was used to living, being here and finishing school is a different kind of rich experience for me. I've never finished anything in my life, and I can't wait to accept my diploma from Antioch next spring. It's nice to have some familiar faces in this class...and it's nice to meet the rest of you.

Cheers!

Marissa K.

My thoughts on biscuits and bones...

To feel like a contributing, needed member of society is a basic human need. I've questioned before whether to tell my fellow employees to shove it - that the food they are serving to wealthy people who often waste it isn't going to make any significant impact on anything - but it will. Although it only impacts their own immediate lives, and the lives of the patrons of our restaurant, it's still a small difference. What really grinds my gears is when people get so worked up about the most minute details that they make my blood boil. Who gives a shit if we forgot to offer a black napkin to the gentleman wearing black pants on table 34? But, I can't say anything because I'm afraid of making them feel like their problems aren't important. Because their problem isn't the napkin, it's the experience of the customers who are eating - and ultimately, tipping our servers - who have bills, mortgages, and families. After all, I'm still in school, I don't know what the hell I want to do with me life, and who am I to say to screw the black-pants-man on table 34?

A line that resonated with me in Botton's piece was "The real issue is not whether baking biscuits is meaningful, but the extent to which the activity can seem to be so after it has been continuously stretched and subdivided across five thousand lives and half a dozen manufacturing sites. An endeavor endowed with meaning may appear meaningful only when it proceeds briskly in the hands of a restricted number of actors and therefore where particular workers can make an imaginative connection between what they have done with their woking days and their impact upon others."

What's important is that we try to make each other's lives a little easier. This is what keeps is in a cool, collected mood. This is what sends us home feeling successful, not oppressed, after a long night of work.

In The Happiness Project, Rubin touched on many important aspects of positivity in the workplace. One of which being employees/team members being comfortable asking for help. I feel like this issue isn't discussed in the hiring process because, in the U.S. at least, individualism and independence is valued over what society views as helplessness. But, just because a person has questions, doesn't mean that they're dumb or uninformed. In fact, most of the time, it means that they actually GIVE A CRAP about the work they are doing, and making people's lives easier (including their coworkers).

I'm not sure how long this is supposed to be, or what format we're supposed to follow, but I feel as though I’m starting to go on a tangent. Time for me to say goodnight, whoever will read this, Mr. Z DeP.