Week four...

I've been thoroughly enjoying reading Writing Down the Bones - not only for the great advice on writing, but because it truly reflects what we're learning in class. What resonated with me was the section on writing seen as a McD's hamburger - or, rather, what writing shouldn't be. This is something I've struggled with as a writer-in-training. Almost every time I sit down to write anything, it has to have a purpose, a goal, an ending in sight. This makes my writing less meaningful because it's strategic from the jump. I like how Goldberg refers to writing how it should be - "Let go of everything when you write, and try at a simple beginning with simple words to express what you have inside. It won't begin smoothly. Allow yourself to be awkward. You are stripping yourself. You are exposing your life, not how your ego would like to see you represented, but how you are as a human being. And it is because of this that I think writing is religious." (pp. 39-40)
What's upsetting about learning this so late in my life is - how much better could I have been if I were taught to write like this at a young age? So many people see writing as a chore instead of as a means to release. I don't know how many times people have paid me to write papers for them, because the task is so daunting they would literally rather break the bank in order to keep from having to write a paper. I can't help but wonder - if we were taught to look at writing as something that helps us better understand ourselves and our ways of thinking, could we enjoy it more and, ultimately, be better writers? This also ties in with the section about writers living twice. We learn to appreciate small things more than the average bear because we look at the world through a writer's eyes. Just like painters view the world as artists. We all have our human-monkey brain, which helps us think quickly, solve problems, and deal with sensory overloads. Having said that, I think writers have access to a more critical brain which helps us appreciate the power of questioning, wondering, theorizing. This is what I adore about truly great writers - their ability to take something insignificant and turn it into a story, into something worthwhile. Inanimate objects are a lot more interesting when someone attaches meaning to it through writing.

The other assigned readings for this week were so dense, I couldn't concentrate long enough to have anything meaningful to say about them. I do look forward to reading all of your responses. Have a good night everyone :)

Marilyn, Frida, & Kurt.

          Marilyn Monroe has always been a fascinating character to me for some reason I can’t fully understand. Unsure if notes on a piece of unlined hotel stationary would pass as a journal, I did a little more research and happened upon actual diary entries allegedly written by Monroe. I’ve always been rather interested in her life, especially the parts that were hidden away from the public. I wish I could compare her normal diary entries with others she wrote when she was supposedly mentally ill. 

“I guess I have always been

deeply terrified at to really be someone’s

wife

since I know from life

one cannot love another,

ever, really” - Marilyn Monroe

Her writing, though sad as hell, is poetic and hauntingly romantic. I can feel her sadness and pain when I read her frantic handwriting on a piece of stationary from a London Hotel. Although I would never wish for myself to be in such a state of mind, I can see how heartbreakingly beautiful writing can transpire from life’s genuine drama. Who knows - today’s misery could be tomorrow’s profound book of poems. Looking at it from this perspective, I think a person’s sense of reality can be a convention. Aside from fiction, writing is usually always based on reality. But, what could be reality to some people, may not be viewed the same way by others. What’s great about our personal thoughts and feelings is, there are no rules. We can think what we want, and sometimes say what we want, but rarely do we make our deepest, darkest thoughts concrete. In this way, each of our realities can be our own, personal convention - as abstract as that sounds. 

  Frida Kahlo’s journal was the most enjoyable to look at. Her colorful draw-painting mixed in with her thick, black, cursive handwriting is much more pleasing to the eye than just grey pencil on lined paper. I never would have thought to add color or doodles to my journal, but after experiencing Kahlo’s private work, I realize some color could be refreshing. Right now my journal looks more like notes I take on readings for class, and less like a reflection of myself. Although drawings and paintings aren’t necessarily conventions for writing, I think they can make excellent journaling conventions. Sometimes a drawing, a little color, or lack there of can express a mood or feeling more than words can. My roommate, who speaks fluent Spanish, even had a tough time translating Kahlo’s writing into English. What this particular journal entry/poem/metaphor explores is death (of an animal?), and Kahlo’s desire to watch the living and death on Earth. I wish I could read Spanish, it would probably make a lot more sense to me, but I am fascinated by the artwork that accompanies her words. Although I’m not an artist, I can see how beneficial it is to put more than just words on paper. For example, my roommate got a polaroid camera - and the pictures we’ve been taking on it would be a perfect convention for me to add to my journal.

  Reading a page from Kurt Cobain’s journal was a oddly more depressing to me than I thought it might be - maybe because I know how his life ended. What I didn’t expect from him was the particular style of journaling. I like to think of his style as bubbly - not the content, of course - but the layout. He seems to write his ideas in a thought-bubble sort of way. There are some smaller thought-bubbles and some larger thought-bubbles. Some thought-bubbles are crossed out. One of the thought bubbles is just a little black stick-figure drawing. Cobain’s journal is filled with lined paper, but he seems to ignore the lines, which is reflective of what I know about him through his music. This particular style of writing might not suit me, only because I get too easily bothered by unorganized thoughts. On the other hand, maybe it would do me some good to adopt a new layout style. I think choosing to write on lined or unlined paper is a convention in itself. Unless you’re one of those strange people who can write in perfectly straight lines without any guidance, for someone like me who likes to be inside the lines, writing unlined paper is just asking for trouble. Although extremely poetic, his journal is simultaneously reflective of political and societal issues prominent during that time. This convention I happen to like, and will definitely try for myself. When I’m older, even though journaling about current world events won’t make much difference for others, it will be nice to see my thoughts and opinions about what was going on in the world at certain points. Years from now, my thoughts and opinions could change drastically from how they are now - and it would be interesting to reflect back on that and try to map my journey of thoughts. 

“Nihilism 

is a fine 

building block 

to construct 

a foundation 

of ideals

but don’t 

let the 

termites 

come 

in.” - Kurt Cobain

         Reading journal entries written by other well-known people has been more interesting to me than writing my own journal entries - although I’m keeping on top of my writing even though I bore myself to death. I feel a little discouraged, maybe I don’t have a poetic bone in my body. Maybe I’m writing at the wrong time or day. Maybe I’m writing in the wrong state of mind. I suppose what I’ll remember to do from now on is just write whenever I think of anything remotely creative. Sometimes when I’m driving, or when I’m at work is when I come up with interesting thoughts. Writing things down all the time will help foster new and different writing practices.

Week two readings

I decided I'm still undecided about The Happiness Project. Although the author makes valid points, she strikes me as a bit shallow and just a tad stuck up. I will admit, this chapter on mindfulness resonated with me because I felt like I could truly relate to the author's feelings of being on auto-pilot. What's even more strange, is the reading ties in with material I'm learning in literally all my other classes. In my intercultural communications class this week, we discussed the disadvantages of colorblindness in modern American society. Although some people think that "not seeing color" is beneficial in interracial/intercultural relations, it can actually exacerbate racial biases because we ignore what's real. On the other hand, being mindful helps us to realize how we feel about certain things, and can lead to the correction of one's behavior. Just like people with addiction problems, we can only fix what we admit is wrong in our lives. In regards to mindfulness, I appreciated when the author noted "Scientists point out that it calms the mind and elevates brain function, it gives clarity and vividness to present experience, it may help people break unhealthy habits, and it can soothe troubled spirits and lift people's moods." I only wished she discussed more about mindfulness that could benefit her community, rather than just a self-mindfulness approach. 

Before I bash Gretchen a little more, I just wanted to note that I enjoyed her thoughts on heuristics - or mental rules of thumb. I agree with her thoughts on personal experiences - or vivid memories of them - can sometimes skew our perception of what's really valuable to us. When she used the example of her friend who wouldn't eat raw cookie dough, but never wore a seatbelt, I was overwhelmed by thoughts of all the silly things I do and don't do, that I think will make me feel comfortable. I feel like this ties in with people who have problems with OCD. I HATE when my food touches on my plate, but I live by the 5-second-rule. Kina dumb isn't it? 

In summary, I thought the author made some really good points about mindfulness, the only things that really annoyed me was her crappy way of writing about it. I pretty much just thought "Wow it's really nice you have all this fucking money and time to go on a ridiculous shenanigan rampage - but some of us can't buy mindfulness and self-actualiation."

I'm interested in hearing other people's thoughts on this. 

Have a good one, fellow classmates.

A brief introduction...

Hello all who may stumble across this strange collection of thoughts.
My name is Marissa.

I grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area, but I've moved around a bit the last few years, ending up in Santa Barbara again because I had the opportunity to come to Antioch. After sitting in on an intercultural comm class last year, I realized that learning through socratic and dyadic methods would be way more beneficial for me than sitting in a lecture hall with eighty other people viewing slide show presentations. Before moving down here, I lived a rich and fulfilling life where I got to spend a lot of time with family, manage a day spa, and practice the martial art of tae kwon do. Although I miss the lifestyle I was used to living, being here and finishing school is a different kind of rich experience for me. I've never finished anything in my life, and I can't wait to accept my diploma from Antioch next spring. It's nice to have some familiar faces in this class...and it's nice to meet the rest of you.

Cheers!

Marissa K.

My thoughts on biscuits and bones...

To feel like a contributing, needed member of society is a basic human need. I've questioned before whether to tell my fellow employees to shove it - that the food they are serving to wealthy people who often waste it isn't going to make any significant impact on anything - but it will. Although it only impacts their own immediate lives, and the lives of the patrons of our restaurant, it's still a small difference. What really grinds my gears is when people get so worked up about the most minute details that they make my blood boil. Who gives a shit if we forgot to offer a black napkin to the gentleman wearing black pants on table 34? But, I can't say anything because I'm afraid of making them feel like their problems aren't important. Because their problem isn't the napkin, it's the experience of the customers who are eating - and ultimately, tipping our servers - who have bills, mortgages, and families. After all, I'm still in school, I don't know what the hell I want to do with me life, and who am I to say to screw the black-pants-man on table 34?

A line that resonated with me in Botton's piece was "The real issue is not whether baking biscuits is meaningful, but the extent to which the activity can seem to be so after it has been continuously stretched and subdivided across five thousand lives and half a dozen manufacturing sites. An endeavor endowed with meaning may appear meaningful only when it proceeds briskly in the hands of a restricted number of actors and therefore where particular workers can make an imaginative connection between what they have done with their woking days and their impact upon others."

What's important is that we try to make each other's lives a little easier. This is what keeps is in a cool, collected mood. This is what sends us home feeling successful, not oppressed, after a long night of work.

In The Happiness Project, Rubin touched on many important aspects of positivity in the workplace. One of which being employees/team members being comfortable asking for help. I feel like this issue isn't discussed in the hiring process because, in the U.S. at least, individualism and independence is valued over what society views as helplessness. But, just because a person has questions, doesn't mean that they're dumb or uninformed. In fact, most of the time, it means that they actually GIVE A CRAP about the work they are doing, and making people's lives easier (including their coworkers).

I'm not sure how long this is supposed to be, or what format we're supposed to follow, but I feel as though I’m starting to go on a tangent. Time for me to say goodnight, whoever will read this, Mr. Z DeP.